Men, Toughen Up. Stop Being a Woos. Man Up.

You read that right.

That’s what guys should do if they say they are struggling.

Guys should put up and shut up.

Guys not feeling ok, keep that to yourself hey, that’s not what being a man is about.

“Toughen up buttercup”

Speak up? 

Of course not, that makes you all of the statements at the top and more.

This is why male suicide is 1.8 x greater than women globally. 

This is why there is lower utilisation of mental health support services in men.

This is why there is a cultural, stigma and masculinity issue relating to male mental health.

And why men don’t engage. 

In my career I’ve worked with the most ‘alpha’ groups imaginable. 

Military
First responders
Construction 
Sport

Guess what. Three of these groups have the highest suicide rates and reported mental health issues.

Why?

To be blunt.

Because they are are difficult environments and having mental health challenges makes you weak.

“Fu**ing depressed? He’s just soft”
“No one give a sh*t mate, stop being a girl”
“What do you want, a hug?”
“We’ve all got sh*t to deal with pal, just do your job hey”
“If you can’t hack this environment. There’s the door”
“Toughen up buttercup”

I heard all of these to the letter and more, pretty much daily when men were trying to reach out.

Trying to ask for help without asking for help.

Trying to take steps but fighting against nearly everyone around them.

I listened to tens of talks from mental health providers, first aiders and support groups.

When the term ‘mental health’ was used with the military guys, rugby players/athletes and in construction.

Bang. Door shut. Clam up. Especially if in a group setting.

What registered?

The word suicide did. 

Terms like brain training, brain health, mental fitness, brain work out, brain recovery, tuning the brain box, getting head space, looking after your pals, “what you struggling with at the moment mate?”, I could do with a catch up, “heads in the shed you got time for a chat”?

I don’t know what the answer is.

But I do know there is a better way to talk to men about what’s going on on their noodle.

Especially in the societially defined “masculine fields”.

*observation-the guys who were vocal about the talks saying they were “a crock of 💩, waste of time, trash, a piss take” were often the lads who needed support the most. 

How do we collectively fix this?