No Mans Land.

You need to change.

But the pain of staying the same isn't quite great enough to force your hand.
And
The desired outcome isn't quite important enough to force your hand.

This is no mans land.

You're stuck.

It's a lonely place.

Isolated, guilty, frustrated, a bit embarrassed maybe.

"Why can't I just change this?"

I've been here is a gazzilion different ways a number of times.

A few things can happen
😣 You bumble along as is, until you cannot
😣 Things get too painful and you force the change
😣 Someone (usually relationship) or something (usually health or job) force the change
😣 You have a rude awakening (see above)
😣 You seek help and magnify the benefits of the desired outcome

Don't wander along in no mans land. 

Magnify the benefits of the desired outcome and get some support.

There are support groups and communities for just about every major challenge people have these days.

It doesn't matter if its a free community, paid one, wolf pack group, coaching, Facebook group.

Just lean into some support and change course.